There she sits
in an empty lounge
of the dark ward
thick tears
hitting the ground
bullet paced
muffled sniffles
she keeps her hope hidden
buried
so that sanity
appears to be in tact
oh serenity
where have you been
she questions fate
it’s been a while
calamity has been her only peer
illness was her weakness
she could never let go
from those thoughts of desire
and so she whispers
in her broken french
je t’aime mon amant presque
all is quiet
but nothing forgotten
Amber is the Color of Her Energy 
brian miller
December 11, 2012 at 10:42 pm
nice…you really put us in her skin and feel the moment with her…and great closing lines as well from the french and beyond…smiles.
chanzibrenner
December 12, 2012 at 2:29 am
thanx brian
Laurie Kolp
December 11, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Thinking of Hunger Games… oh, I love the touch of French…
chanzibrenner
December 11, 2012 at 11:09 pm
smiles. thanx!
Mary
December 11, 2012 at 11:31 pm
I feel the sadness in this poem!
chanzibrenner
December 12, 2012 at 2:30 am
thanx mary, yes it is tragic indeed. thanx so much for telling me about the spam folder! appreciate your comments all the time
laura hegfield
December 12, 2012 at 1:06 am
“thick tears
hitting the ground
bullet paced” a powerful image Chani.
chanzibrenner
December 12, 2012 at 2:30 am
thank you laura!
kelly
December 12, 2012 at 1:14 am
Nothing is ever forgotten…. Excellent write!
chanzibrenner
December 12, 2012 at 2:30 am
wow, thank you!
darkangelwrites
December 12, 2012 at 4:21 am
“thick tears
hitting the ground
bullet paced” my favorite lines!
chanzibrenner
December 12, 2012 at 4:35 am
thanks darkangel!
claudia
December 12, 2012 at 6:14 am
all is quiet
but nothing forgotten… i feel like i’m sitting right next to her…sensitively captured
chanzibrenner
December 12, 2012 at 6:49 am
thank you so much claudia..and thanx for your email
Gay Reiser Cannon
December 12, 2012 at 5:16 pm
“presque” – fine poem, cuts to the heart with its poignancy.
acohen315
February 21, 2014 at 10:12 am
(As promised, only positive feedback) Very well done. Nicely written. You have a great gift to place the reader in the subject’s shoes. I’m not sure, but I think that the use of lowercase and lack of grammatical structure is part of your style and I sort of like it. Keep writing! You can only get better! And don’t be afraid to rewrite and rerewrite and edit and revise and erase and revise some more. It only helps you grow in your writing.
One thing I want to point out is that lack of grammatical structure can lead to a reader getting confused in certain places. Sometimes a comma or a period every now and again helps the poem, or story, or writing to ebb and flow better. Try it! You’ll see what I mean.